Good Morning/Goodbye

And so it has come to this, after 5 years of an on and off relationship you decided to break my heart again and I decided it would be the very last time. We met at a very unlikely place and time. It was half past two in the morning when you stopped and asked me for directions. Who knew that a simple question would lead us to years of complicated love? I never expected that in one unlikely morning at half past one by June’s end you said your goodbye.

Did you ever wonder why is it that every time you’re sad, it suddenly rains. Perhaps it is Gaea’s way of empathizing with you.

It was a cloudy morning and I immediately knew that it was not the same. I could smell it as clearly as pancakes for breakfast. It was distinct. The wind felt dry and humid. The grass poised as tall as ever seemingly welcoming the first drop. It was going to rain, for I am sad. It was a day filled with anxiety. Eagerly anticipating what’s coming. I could not get out off bed. I wanted to lie there and sleep for a hundred years and wait for my Prince Charming to wake me from my eternal slumber. But life, my life, was not a fairytale. There is no Prince, only dragons. I rolled out of bed, dragged myself toward the bathroom. Doing the same routine. Bathe, brush my teeth, shave, dress up and get ready for work. But I really did not want to work; I did not want to move. All I could think about was that only a couple of hours ago you decided to call everything off. You did it with such coldness that could rival the Artic Sea. I did not understand why and your answers only led to even more complicated questions. I was dazed and confused. I only felt a sense of deep sadness and a nagging feeling of fear. I was scared that I will not be able to love the same way again or that I will be trapped in my vulnerable state. Both of which I did not want but had. I wanted to be over you the soonest but I did not know how. I’ve forgotten how to move on. So I drank to try and sink my sorrow to oblivion. It didn’t work. Alcohol was never a solution to anything. I turned to my friends for comfort and assurance that it was not my fault. And yet I kept blaming myself for something out of my hands. They were right. It was not my fault and the only reason I weep was because I believed that forever could happen to us. I’ve accepted the fact; the truth that it was just really not meant to be. I should move on now and try to be happy in my solace. And I know in time I will. When the rain stops I will dance outside to my own music. Music only I can hear, without you. I will stop dancing in the rain to hide my tears. Because this morning when I saw you again I decided to hate you and love you the only way I know how. On this beautiful morning after the rain, I said my very last goodbye.